many years ago, after i'd broken up with my college boyfriend and was in the thros of independence and excitement at the possibilities that had opened up before me, i slept with a guy i'd admired for a while.
admired because he seemed great on paper. good family, a lawyer by training who decided to chase his passion like his award winning jounralist father before him, and was writing for a local paper. the fact that he was chasing his dreams and perhaps fulfilling a legacy was incredibly attractive and romantic.
so when we ended up in bed, i thought it was the beginning of something with potential. perhaps he too had admired me from afar. not just looks, but my personality and my passion for life. inevitably, that was not to be. i think he was simply lonely, and we had good conversation that led to one night in bed. i hijacked his email address from a group email a mutual friend, the one i'd met him through all those years ago, had sent. a few vague e-mails ensued, but my suggestion of meeting up for coffee was met with a 'coffee sounds great but i'm terribly busy at work at the moment'. as someone who used that excuse as a kind let down to people i wasn't interested in, i knew this was a dead end.
it bugged me for a while, but then i got involved with mr-wrong and didn't think about it for a while. but it's come back recently, when i realiesd that i have this inability to attract sane men. freaks on the street and in the park do not count. someone my age who's decent and fun just seems out of reach. they are all gay or in relationships. or, getting through relationships, or had just met someone else they were interested in and i was merely the catalyst to help them realise they want to be with this other person.
i don't mind helping get people together. maybe that's my purpose in romance. being so romantic at heart, unrealistic in my hope of meeting someone who will be totally devoted to me, in a world where that only happens twice in a billion couples, perhaps that is the best service i can do to the world of romance.
it doesn't help the lonely nights, but if it brings some people joy, then at least i can remotely feel some satisfaction in helping someone out.
admired because he seemed great on paper. good family, a lawyer by training who decided to chase his passion like his award winning jounralist father before him, and was writing for a local paper. the fact that he was chasing his dreams and perhaps fulfilling a legacy was incredibly attractive and romantic.
so when we ended up in bed, i thought it was the beginning of something with potential. perhaps he too had admired me from afar. not just looks, but my personality and my passion for life. inevitably, that was not to be. i think he was simply lonely, and we had good conversation that led to one night in bed. i hijacked his email address from a group email a mutual friend, the one i'd met him through all those years ago, had sent. a few vague e-mails ensued, but my suggestion of meeting up for coffee was met with a 'coffee sounds great but i'm terribly busy at work at the moment'. as someone who used that excuse as a kind let down to people i wasn't interested in, i knew this was a dead end.
it bugged me for a while, but then i got involved with mr-wrong and didn't think about it for a while. but it's come back recently, when i realiesd that i have this inability to attract sane men. freaks on the street and in the park do not count. someone my age who's decent and fun just seems out of reach. they are all gay or in relationships. or, getting through relationships, or had just met someone else they were interested in and i was merely the catalyst to help them realise they want to be with this other person.
i don't mind helping get people together. maybe that's my purpose in romance. being so romantic at heart, unrealistic in my hope of meeting someone who will be totally devoted to me, in a world where that only happens twice in a billion couples, perhaps that is the best service i can do to the world of romance.
it doesn't help the lonely nights, but if it brings some people joy, then at least i can remotely feel some satisfaction in helping someone out.
posted by londoncitizengirl at 4:10 PM
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