sometimes we all want the fairytale

pretty woman was on tv tonight. i haven't seen that movie for about ten years. and it's sweet. completely unrealistic, but that's what chick flicks are.

i'm out of cigarettes but craving it like nothing else.

had a web conversation with my ex and it just made me angry. that i let him mess me around for so long. i'm sick of letting boys mess me around. will i ever learn? people keep thinking we will get back together one day maybe, but frankly i'm just annoyed at myself for letting him jerk me around back in the day in the hopes that he'll realise he really does love me. sometimes i'm just so deluded.

i know they say when the time is right and when you're ready you'll meet the one. i'm not even looking for the one, just someone who's right for me and supports me right now. it seems impossible to find.

i think that's the difference between savannah and i. she's dating, even online dating, so she's put herself out there. but mentally she's closed off. or maybe she's just as romantic as i am, but fed up with reality. whereless i never put myself out there, instead hoping that i'll just meet someone when the time is right. so i'm open in the heart, but closed off on the surface. if you could combine the two of us you'll either have a really desparate girl, or the perfect girl. go figure.

meanwhile, savannah's friend is away skiing, i haven't heard a peep, and according to her he's still hung up on his ex whom incidentally is a married but just left her husband colleague of his. that spells trouble to me so i guess i'm back in the picking the worse guys mode.

i'm still optimistic deep down inside, but age has definitely taken its toil on my optimism...