caring doesn't mean sharing
typically, after the mini tornado of activity, all has gone quiet in the romance department. sometimes i wonder if deep down inside i'm holding out for prince charming. who's busy with cinderella, snow white, sleeping beauty, and lord knows who else, and thus may not get to my doorstep for a few centuries.
the thing that worries me about getting involved with someone is that inevitably you lose a bit of yourself. and having exited the pleasant whirlwind of dateage, i find myself doing things i loved, but forgot to do, again. hanging out at my favorite bar with a glass of wine and a book. going to the movies alone. dinners with the gang. gallery hopping.
it's not that i can't do this with someone, it's just they are bits i don't just share with anyone, and when you're dating someone new you want to explore even newer things to do before dipping into your personal 'me-time' pool to share. and they don't need the pressure of meeting the friends until you're exclusively dating. it's too messy otherwise. or maybe i'm just to selfish...
i had dinner with savannah at shoreditch house last night. in between martinis i mentioned how i forgot to do things for myself when i was dating those guys. in between work, dating, work, and friends, there's not much time for me. and whilst i started doing those me things before i got a job, before the gang moved over from the city, what started out as a typically curious way to explore a new town and alleviate boredom is actually something that i appreciate. like me, savannah is open to exploring all kinds of things and will sign up for anything interesting and legal. and whilst she confesses she does this with a secret 'meeting men' agenda, she genuinely likes exploring and learning new things. so at the end of the day, savannah, like i, does things for herself.
after too many martinis conversation turned to the inevitable mentalk. sav has a new theory. because we genuinely like solo adventures, and enjoy our own company, we are seen as too independent and actually fly much higher than the typical male radar. add that to a healthy dose of new yorkerisms, not being a size 2 and wearing high necked tops and baggy jeans that hide whatever assets we hold, we apparently send out 'i don't need anyone but you are allowed to come join the party if we deem you're worth it' vibes. thus our half a decade singleness (each). i like being independent. i also like being perceived as independent. and is there something wrong with me that i am not freaked out yet than i'm alone? i'm sure it will hit in the next few months, but i really do not want to be one of those women with 'desperate to get hitched and start becoming a baby machine, move to conneticut and have a range rover, housekeeper and gardner. a house in the hamptons though is another matter...
the thing that worries me about getting involved with someone is that inevitably you lose a bit of yourself. and having exited the pleasant whirlwind of dateage, i find myself doing things i loved, but forgot to do, again. hanging out at my favorite bar with a glass of wine and a book. going to the movies alone. dinners with the gang. gallery hopping.
it's not that i can't do this with someone, it's just they are bits i don't just share with anyone, and when you're dating someone new you want to explore even newer things to do before dipping into your personal 'me-time' pool to share. and they don't need the pressure of meeting the friends until you're exclusively dating. it's too messy otherwise. or maybe i'm just to selfish...
i had dinner with savannah at shoreditch house last night. in between martinis i mentioned how i forgot to do things for myself when i was dating those guys. in between work, dating, work, and friends, there's not much time for me. and whilst i started doing those me things before i got a job, before the gang moved over from the city, what started out as a typically curious way to explore a new town and alleviate boredom is actually something that i appreciate. like me, savannah is open to exploring all kinds of things and will sign up for anything interesting and legal. and whilst she confesses she does this with a secret 'meeting men' agenda, she genuinely likes exploring and learning new things. so at the end of the day, savannah, like i, does things for herself.
after too many martinis conversation turned to the inevitable mentalk. sav has a new theory. because we genuinely like solo adventures, and enjoy our own company, we are seen as too independent and actually fly much higher than the typical male radar. add that to a healthy dose of new yorkerisms, not being a size 2 and wearing high necked tops and baggy jeans that hide whatever assets we hold, we apparently send out 'i don't need anyone but you are allowed to come join the party if we deem you're worth it' vibes. thus our half a decade singleness (each). i like being independent. i also like being perceived as independent. and is there something wrong with me that i am not freaked out yet than i'm alone? i'm sure it will hit in the next few months, but i really do not want to be one of those women with 'desperate to get hitched and start becoming a baby machine, move to conneticut and have a range rover, housekeeper and gardner. a house in the hamptons though is another matter...
posted by londoncitizengirl at 2:59 PM
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