when harry met sally

went out to a gig with harry burns earlier this week down in his neighbourhood. we popped into the grocery store en route, as he had no food left in the house. he kept inviting me to throw things into the trolley, which i laughed and declined until he mentioned that if i was going to crash at his there will be nothing to eat when we got home. the threat of no snackage was enough to propel me into action. restrained action as really i didn't know him well enough to go to town with the noshing.

harry lives alone in a cute little top floor apartment on a very english street, with lovely leafy views over the rooftops, and yes, you can see sky. ended up in bed with him, which whilst highly inappropriate was a lot of fun. and we had the conversation, only in one of those typical evade and talk around the topic way of talking about your mindset about romance and sex, all the while suggesting that what you want is not what the other person is looking for.

harry burns is wanting to sow his wild oats, and he thinks i'm not looking to do the same. as i tell him pretty much everthing (albeit not over a pastrami and rye at katz's) maybe secretly i am looking for someone to date exclusively. either way the subtext was clear. i kinda like you, but i'm not ready to engage into anything and don't want to hurt you by just sleeping with you. and ultimately it's true. we had a conversation about this months ago when he said he wished he had a friend he could just have sex with. but that was not possible because if they were a friend then ultimately you like each other as people and one will always feel more than the other.

which got me thinking about the men in my past, and if that is true.

it is me?

so now i'm talking to harry burns and he's worried that he may have inadvertently hurt me. gosh it's like my life is some sitcom. hurt me no, but dented my ego probably. i must never get drunk with men again.

savannah recently slept with someone from her work. and she felt weird because she felt that she can't have sex like a man, that somehow, without intending to, she gets hurt. after 10 malboros the past 30 mins, i feel like savannah. i don't want to get attached, but i guess i get attached before i got my clothes off.

i don't want him as a boyfriend, so why do i feel so wierd?

bemused, bothered and bewildered

this morning i woke up to a meg ryan billy crystal when harry met sally scenario.
i'd somehow ended up naked in bed with im guy, who'd become a very good friend in the past few weeks. and he's interested in someone else. and funnily enough we'd gone out with me as his wing girl at this soiree his ex was at. where i was also kinda flirting with some guy we'd met.

and i'm totally confused. i'm old enough to know better but i'm still way confused. like cher from clueless, i'm totally clueless. i know he thinks i'm attractive. he knows i think he's attractive. he knows i liked him because i pretty much told him so. and part of me knows he was drunk and after seeing his ex with someone else thought why not i like this girl i feel comfortable with her and she's cute and she's wanting to sleep with someone so hey this is a good thing. i don't think it was just a loneliness thing though. it's also a we get along well so hey let's have some fun.

heck i don't know. i'm so confused. i like him very much as a friend but i'm not sure if i'm interested in him that way, despite being attracted to him. and in the words of marie from when harry met sally 'you should never go to bed with someone when you find out your exboyfriend is getting married' - or in our case you should never go to bed with someone when you've been out seeing your ex whom you still like crack on to some random whom she likes.

i kinda like this weirdness, but i'm impatient and i want resolution. i don't think we'll see each other for a while as he's going away (why is it everytime i end up with someone he's going away or i am...)

i'm such a person of smells, i like that my sheets still smell of him. that's quite unhealthy isn't it?

an old friend's brother came to town. no, i didn't shack up with him. his friend.
and whilst friend guy said that he'd text'd me the first night we met to suggest a drink, after seeing me naked and saying he'd call, he didn't. i even broke down and txt'd, after im guy accused me of being superpicky.

(im guy by the way is out of the picture. he's obsessed with his ex, and still fancies the ex before that. trouble i tell ya)

i see this as an improvement though. savannah's friend didn't even bother to get my number. he relied on e-mail, and never e-mailed. so, from i'll e-mail you to i'll call you, whilst still hearing nothing i still think i'm rising up in the land of dating in london.

and i wasn't even looking to meet anyone when i was at dinner with my friend's brother. to be fair, im guy was right in that i wasn't even concerned about this guy until he never called. that's when i actually noticed him. sad, i know...