the thing with getting older is that you know there's a smaller pool of fish out there.
you don't want to be that step mom who's the same age as the kids. but your alternative is to be the one who's actually a bit old for the peter pans you met. the one who they spout all that shit about you being amazing and all that, but really, they can't see what's really special enough about you.
the truth is, you know they're not right for you. but it still sucks big time that you're not the one whom they actually, for the first time in a decade, want to make the effort for. someone who's so special and worth it to them that they want to man up or. in the end, even though they're not what you were looking for, you're not what they would think is worth manning up for. that's probably what's the biggest slap in the face. all that bullshit about how special you are, how they can't get enough of you - it's all bullshit. after nearly thirty years, you think you can detect bullshit.
but maybe, when you're relaxed because you have a lot of love around you, and a lot of positive relationships, and you let go, just that once - and let's face it, it's all to do with timings - you fall flat in the mud. in your favorite outfit.
and it makes you realise that none of that matters. you think you're special to someone, some putz who at that moment in time thinks he really likes you and adores you and tells you that you make him so happy. and for a while, you love waking up with him. waking up to feel his arm around you, his fingers intertwined with yours. the way he looks when he's sleeping. the way he doesn't mind your kicking and snoring in bed and the fact that you have to pee a million times in the middle of the night. but one day, it all comes to a head and you realise you're not the only girl he's saying that to. and what's worse - you don't mean jack. you're a transitional stop-gap to the girl he loves. whom he didn't expect to meet.
the one good thing about this is that you helped someone gain enough confidence in themselves to meet the one. there's always a silver lining in these things. it's like the say - those who can't, teach. and until i loose my looks, i suppose i'll keep on teaching and transitioning.
but the next guy who tells me i'm beautiful and a catch, i think i'll slap him and walk away. after fucking him, of course.
you don't want to be that step mom who's the same age as the kids. but your alternative is to be the one who's actually a bit old for the peter pans you met. the one who they spout all that shit about you being amazing and all that, but really, they can't see what's really special enough about you.
the truth is, you know they're not right for you. but it still sucks big time that you're not the one whom they actually, for the first time in a decade, want to make the effort for. someone who's so special and worth it to them that they want to man up or. in the end, even though they're not what you were looking for, you're not what they would think is worth manning up for. that's probably what's the biggest slap in the face. all that bullshit about how special you are, how they can't get enough of you - it's all bullshit. after nearly thirty years, you think you can detect bullshit.
but maybe, when you're relaxed because you have a lot of love around you, and a lot of positive relationships, and you let go, just that once - and let's face it, it's all to do with timings - you fall flat in the mud. in your favorite outfit.
and it makes you realise that none of that matters. you think you're special to someone, some putz who at that moment in time thinks he really likes you and adores you and tells you that you make him so happy. and for a while, you love waking up with him. waking up to feel his arm around you, his fingers intertwined with yours. the way he looks when he's sleeping. the way he doesn't mind your kicking and snoring in bed and the fact that you have to pee a million times in the middle of the night. but one day, it all comes to a head and you realise you're not the only girl he's saying that to. and what's worse - you don't mean jack. you're a transitional stop-gap to the girl he loves. whom he didn't expect to meet.
the one good thing about this is that you helped someone gain enough confidence in themselves to meet the one. there's always a silver lining in these things. it's like the say - those who can't, teach. and until i loose my looks, i suppose i'll keep on teaching and transitioning.
but the next guy who tells me i'm beautiful and a catch, i think i'll slap him and walk away. after fucking him, of course.
posted by londoncitizengirl at 12:23 PM
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