i've realised tonight that i keep avoiding things in my life
i avoid planning for my future because i'm scared i will fail
so i keep at a dead end job and let myself get treated like shit because i don't stand up for myself and try and play smart. i hate confrontation so i avoid it like a sissy and try and make everyone happy.

i keep envying other people for what they have the guts to do.
but somehow i just lack that drive. i used to have so much drive. i wonder where it went.

maybe with each passing year if you don't reach your goals you slowly start to give up. so by the time you're 35 you're a broken shell of a failed has been. which is hard to do if you've never even "been"