better fertiliser

savannah called me from somewhere in the deep jungle of south east asia, where she had just emerged from some ashram and was feeling refreshed and enlightened. so i asked her to spread some of this clarity towards my life.

she confirmed what i already knew - that i am what they call 'the grass is always greener' girl. i can't help it. no matter how great i think things are, i always think there's something better out there. i've been like that since a small child. i have a goal, i achieve it, and i don't really spend that much time enjoying my triumph. i've already moved on seeking the next challenge, insecure in if i will be able to achieve it.

in a world that tears as many people down as possible, i am really tying myself down on the train tracks in front of the grand central station.

maybe i just need to discover what fertiliser the people on the other side of the fence use...